I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
