It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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