Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
