You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
