i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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