I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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