I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize