I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize