Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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