Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize