you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
