The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize