just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
