I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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