my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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