hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
