You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize