i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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