too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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