A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize