What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
