Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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