i don't like sucking hair
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
