You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need moral support for this bender
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
