She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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