It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
