so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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