Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
