I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
