sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
