I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
