there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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