You're my little dorito
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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