Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize