I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love having hate sex.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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