I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
