Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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