You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
