how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
