I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
