bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
