theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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