Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize