Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
