I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I want is dick and wine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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