She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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