Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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