I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
