he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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