somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got inside last night via doggy door
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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