There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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