i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
