Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She told me I should be a condom model.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
