i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
