Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Life is so much better after having sex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
