you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize