Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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