508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
