You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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