Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
