first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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