My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
