I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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