I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
