the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
