you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
