Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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