i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
